This whole month of May has been a rough one. It should've been great: the last full month of school, I have a concert next week, and I'm finishing up all my course exams... However, it just feels like the world has not been on my side.
Let's review, in the past couple of weeks, I applied and did not get two leadership opportunities, I got a zero on an assignment that I turned in and now I have to wait till Tuesday to bring it up, I am also not doing too hot in my chemistry class. All these might seem very minuscule and I'm sure that by the time summer rolls around I will look back and think this was so insignificant, but right now, I am upset, and I think the best thing to do about this is to accept that I am upset.
I am ok with being upset about this. I wanted something and I didn't get it. Although this will be a few of many times that this will happen, it doesn't make the hurt any less.
Not only am I upset, but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm not doing enough to get into the universities that I want to. I'm scared that I'm working this hard for me to just end up at the same state school where half my high school will be going to.
Through mood-congruent memory, my consecutive losses have created a never-ending spiral of worry. How did I handle it? I went to my parents. I cried to them. I ranted to them. I listened to them. Times like these made me realize how absolutely blessed I am with the people around me. Through the embarrassing experiences I have had, the people I told made me feel infinitely better about the situation.
This post was all over the place and I apologize for that, but that is how I am currently feeling. I feel like I'm not doing enough and all my thoughts are bouncing off the walls, so unfortunately you guys have to be the victims of my word vomit. I'll stop myself now before this turns into absolute nonsense.
Remember, life moves on. You win some and you lose some. We're all just trying to make it out happy and successful :)
No comments:
Post a Comment